we're back, baby

we were on a bit of a hiatus, not having time to transfer our verbal bitching bout this dump onto our blog.

asstoria does really suck, but come on- if we were to move to billyburg- i'm sure we'll be CONSTANTLY complaining bout those lazy assed hipsters and all their parent's money. besides, that was so east village 1999. at least we're paying peanuts to live in our light infested, spacious apartment.

duh, if we really had a choice and didn't care bout spending all of our legitimately hard earned money and our parent's too, we'd move back to brooklyn.

our most recent asstoria complaint? basically the same old shit, but my other half is bothered by the fact that we haven't heard any of that yearly christmas street music crap. i prefer silent streets, silent if only every other bass thumping vehicle weren't cruising for the local asstoria hoes, i mean residents.

creamy dog shit

smeared all over the sidewalk- everywhere. enough said!
i could include photos, but would rather not.

cars, cars and more shitty drivers

today while walking down the street, like a normal pedestrian, a fucking car almost hit me- ONCE AGAIN! i don't know how these fucking asstoria imbreds happen to pass their drivers tests. just walking down the sidewalk, and some stupid bi-atch speeds out of her driveway, with a fag in hand, and without a clue.

also, the same thing just happened to my other half. next time, i say, just walk around ready, with keys in hand. and when they get close enough- bam, you've keyed the paint off in a nice, even line.

my father says don't you dare do it because you never know whom you're dealing with. he recently spit on another car driving excessively fast, then the driver stopped and got out, pointing a finger at my father. my dad is fast on his feet- told this schmuck that he's always spitting and was sorry.

what do you think?

mattress corpses

why is it that lately i've been seeing too many old, stained and yucky mattresses hanging out on the streets? could this be part of the bed bug revolution? is this only happening in asstoria? I've been really itchy lately.

greezy but goody

really did enjoy the pasta dish and the fabulous service at old school piccola venezia. there place is unlike any other, such fantastic & attentive service, even though i'm still mad about the parking situation they've created by using the street at their own.

no wonder

i have no friends on YELP:

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=7FGvT1OZvlsizU6M4GEB2Q

pack of wolves

while walking down the street tonight, we were approached by a pack of wolves, i mean greezy asstoria teenagers. they were "hanging out" spitting on the street and of course i had to make a comment. my other half told me that next time i pull that shit we're gonna get jumped.

*** WaRnInG! WATCH OUT FOR THE GREEZY, SPITTING ASSTORIAN WOLVES!***

returning to this shit hole of a pseudo boro

just got back from the lovely mountainous outdoors. there was shit on the vestibule steps of my crappy apartment building. enough said!

what about you?

why don't YOU tell me more about why asstoria sucks and why YOU hate this shit hole of a place and hopefully never have to visit here?

c'mon- you too can be anon.

why we will ALWAYS have alternate side of the street parking here

guess.
and guess where they are eliminating it- in park slope, cobble hill- places where people give a shit and take care of their streets! another what the fuck! this place stinks, like shit!

all i can say is cheeeeep rent.

addendum

drive like shit part II. today i witnessed two driving like shit incidents just blocks away from one another at different times of the day! i'm not even going to get into it because this kind of shit happens all the time with these low class drivers in this hood and it sucks. i just don't understand how this kind of behavior isn't reprimanded here as it is everywhere else. the only time i see the cops is when they're flirting with the whores.

drive like shit

i've lived and or worked in all the other boros and NO ONE drives as shitty as they do in ass toria. i just witnessed the most fucked up move tonight (some fucked up backing up spin around through a red light) praying that a pedestrian was not going to cross the street. and when i got a look at the driver and his friends- of course they were just a bunch of macked out scumbags.

be aware of the shitty drivers in this dump!

thank god for one thing though

the health food store (2X) on 30th ave. except for that i wish they sold meat too- at least chicken and /or fish. way shorter lines than at whole foods union square. at least we can get murray's chicken around here at the 30th ave. meat shop.

UPDATE: don't buy yogurt at the health food store. i've already spoken with those granolas twice about the low temperature of their fridge and today they even argued with me, but personally i wouldn't eat that rancid shit.

parking sux

parking sux in asstoria, need a car to get the fuck out of here when we can but just discovered that some one working for the city just re-painted the crossing lines on the street thus making less space for us to park our way out of here! yet another WHAT THE FUCK????

p.s. we're convinced that the mafiosos have extremely close ties with the cops when it comes to parking. what's the deal with all that constantly dangerous double parking down the street? another reason why no one cares about humanity in the ASS of TORIA.

garbage cans, hello?

so i was just walking home through astoria, and was seeking desperately for a corner garbage to throw away my banana peel. guess what, THERE WEREN'T ANY FUCKING GARBAGE CANS! what is the deal with this? why is it that they exist everywhere else in the city? is it because people in astoria are poor and its way ghetto here? i was about to throw my trash on the streets, but that's what everyone else seems to do here and no one seems to give a shit! welcome to ASStoria, my hometown.

30th Ave Eurotrash

what the fuck is up with those tacky cafes and all those illegal plumes of smoke? you can't even walk down the street without getting stabbed with a lit cig. don't these greazies have a fucking job? oh, forgot they're just Eurotrash invading MY city.

welcome to our blog!

asstoria, how could we really love you? puleeze.